#(Also sorry for not really being active as of late. Been super busy IRL and motivations been wanning but I'm gonna try to do at least

[universestreasures]

Christmas Aichi & Kai Dash Icons

Gift for @crimsonkaiser

Only me and Crimsonkaiser may use!! 

Personals do not reblog!!!

[enigmaincrimson]

Just an update.

Just letting you guys know, that I am sorry about not being all that active lately.

Some people have been spreading rumors about me as usual and I didn’t want to come off as too much of a pest by sending things. Also, quite a bit of IRL stress has been keeping me busy on top of it.

Not super sure how to explain what’s going on really... other than it’s pretty much usual for me unfortunately and pretending that’s fine only goes well for so long.

Generally, it’s rather draining and I feel sick and shaky all the time. I can’t really do much about things either other than wait and hope that it might pass soon.

I am really sorry about wasting your time and space. It gets rather hard to sit still when you have to have the patience of a stationary rock.

[multsicorn]

a few thoughts on writing fic comments

tl;dr.  I was bad at it for ages!  I got better!

Because for the first time since I stopped being able to cheat by writing reblog recs that also functioned as comments - (since people stopped posting fic to tumblr as standard practice) (and, yes I was around, for pre-tumblr days but only lurking, so of course not typically commenting) - I’ve been succeeding at commenting on fics I liked.  Not all of the time, but a large majority.  And doing so without it being a big thing, without it blocking me (much, at least) from ~being able~ to read fic cause of trying and failing and failing, without it driving me crazy... I’m saying, cause those are failure modes I’ve had previously.

So, the how!

* Most of the fic I read is from my ‘Marked for Later’ list, because - unrelatedly to commenting - I find that ‘trawling through AO3 for fic to read’ and ‘reading some fic I will probably enjoy’ are activities I tend to be in different moods for.  Unfortunately one can’t filter the Marked for Later list, but scrolling through a few pages’ worth to find whatever sort of thing I’m looking for still works well enough for me.

* The ‘Marked for Later’ thing is relevant here, though, because it functions as a backstop.  If something’s already ‘Marked for Later,’ and I read it and like it enough to want to maybe reread, but I can’t manage to comment as described down below, I simply won’t change it to ‘Marked as Read.’  And if it’s not ‘Marked for Later’ yet, then I’ll change it to ‘Marked for Later’!

* (if I like something enough to want to be able to maybe reread, of course, and also manage to comment, then that’s time for ‘Bookmark’)

* (yes having a ~system~ makes things seem more doable.  for me.  what of it.)

* ANYWAY.  If I liked a fic enough to want to maybe reread it - when I want more of the trope, pairing, whatever - then it’s time to click into that little comment box down below and write something like ‘I loved this!’ or ‘This was wonderful!’ or y’know some very generic but positive comment like that.  I DO THAT FIRST, without needing to figure out ~what I’ll say~ until I’ve ~started.~

* AND THEN!  Because although ‘I loved this’ comments are great and all, I think that most writers would agree with me that we’d prefer a bit more content in a comment than that... I try to just think of a couple of things I liked specifically about the fic.  A beat, a line, something about characterization or worldbuilding or a certain facet of a relationship or a mood or.... whatever, really!  The point is, that instead of trying to write ~the best comment~, I’m writing the comment that’s not too hard for me to write.  Say how I felt or what I thought or liked about just a couple bits that stick out, and then I’m done; or if I don’t feel done, and I’m moved to, then I can go on in a similar vein for a few more sentences, or a few paragraphs, even, when I’m just overwhelmed with ‘AND EVERYTHING AND THIS AND DON’T LET ME FORGET ONE MORE THING.’

* Because the best comments I’ve gotten weren’t necessarily all the longest, but simply specific compliments or personal responses that particularly resonated with me.  With something I’d been trying to do, or something I hadn’t realized when writing but loved in retrospect.

* ‘I literally lol’ed/cried/squee’d irl,’ ‘I stayed up too late reading this,’ ‘I immediately had to go back to the beginning,’ etc., all count as ‘things I liked/loved’ about the fic too, of course.

* And then!  I get to press ‘Post Comment’!  Cause I wrote a sentence or two or three and THAT’S FINE!  That’s doing great, in fact!  And I won’t second-guess whether the author ~agrees~ with my comment...

* Cause the fact is that I’m sure we’ve also all gotten comments that make us side-eye, ones that aren’t negative (don’t leave criticism unless someone’s asking for it, seriously, and actually I don’t even then), but: someone praising how fluffy a story is when you meant it to come off as creepy, someone questioning a background setting detail that’s from your personal real life.  Someone assuming you take their side in an inter-fandom dispute where you really really don’t.  And there’s always a small chance you’re reading against the author’s intentions, and don’t realize it... and THAT’S FINE.  If we all want to get comments, we all need to take that specific ‘communication isn’t perfect’ risk.

* So I write those sentences, and I take a deep breath, and I press ‘Post,’ and I feel good!  I have Commented On The Fic, and now I’ll be able to reread and to rec and so forth to my heart’s content without feeling bad that I didn’t.  And PROBABLY, in ~99% or more of cases, the author will be happy to get my comment, whether they reply or not, whether I made their whole day or just nudged it a little brighter.  And in that very tiny number of cases where my comment might strike the author as off, well, I couldn’t help it, it’s gotta happen sometime!  It’s not a big deal and I was trying my best.

* And if I’m too busy or too sad or too tired to manage an ‘I loved this’ and another couple phrases, then it’s okay, instead of beating myself up I can just do the ‘Marked For Later’ thing, and as long as this doesn’t happen too frequently then it’s fine, I’ll get back to ‘em later.

* And if it’s one of those cases I’ll get once for every twenty? thirty? whatever fics that I unequivocally love/like enough to bookmark and rec etc., where my honest comment would be ‘loved the worldbuilding, but wasn’t quite sold on the ship,’ or ‘super hot porn, but the setup didn’t quite work for me,’ or... anything with mixed praise and criticism like that, then I can kudos and not comment, just like I do also for fics where I feel like ‘that was nice,’ but nothing more.  And maybe sometime later I’ll come back and manage to comment on just the part I liked without seeming to imply obviously that I didn’t like the part I’m not commenting on, and maybe I won’t, either way it is fine.

* ‘Commenting on every fic I like,’ I maybe should’ve said this earlier, implies for me a fairly high bar of ‘like,’ more like ‘love.’  ‘Every fic I like’ is still too hard!  But ‘every fic I like enough to want to bookmark, and any others where I have something nice that pops to mind to say’ is... doable, at least mostly, and I think it’s good enough.

* Anyway, yes, this does mean I have a bunch of bookmarks I want to rec.  And more to say about that process, too, lol, if my blog is for ~posting what I want!~  And... I’m sorry this has gone on so long, and is so disorganized.  I”M DONE NOW.  *sweeps out*

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune Book 2 Chapter 3-Bow-Crazy (Part 2)

*wheeze* *wheeze* It’s finally out...after more than a month...of being with irl stuff...

After finishing this part, I feel like Tsujimine fits the mold of “underdog school in sports anime” more than Kazemai, even though they have more members. It would be cool to get a story from their point of view.

Also, I recently started reading Beastars since it’s getting an anime and I’m amazed that the mangaka somehow made a deer more attractive to me than 90% of hot bishounen out there...

Glossary here

Full list of translations here

Translation Notes

1. An ukeita is a hole set up on the wall for archers to string their bows. They show up in the anime a lot

2. Biku is “ an unconscious and abrupt contraction in kai”

3. The word used here, en ( 縁) is a difficult concept to describe in English. It’s not as grand as “fate” and “destiny” but more like a connection or a bond between people, e.g. the red string of fate. Something like a lucky encounter or a coincidence, divinely preordained. So basically Nikaidou think that Minato was lucky enough to meet Saionji and Shuu, and be enrolled into a high school with its own kyudojo and a kind, helpful advisor. 

4. A zabuton, according to Wikipedia, is a cushion for sitting. In sumo, the audience throws zabuton at the ring when a yokozuna is defeated by a weaker one.

5. A yokozuna is the highest rank in sumo.

6. Minato says sorry but it’s slurred since his cheeks were being pulled. I couldn’t express that in English without making it really cringy so I will leave it alone for now

7. An uchidake is the inner face of a bow

8. This paragraph made me wonder what exactly Masa-san studied in university. Anyways tebanasu is 手離す and hanasu is 話す. And kogoru is 凝る. Apparently kogoru is actually an accepted origin for kokoro.

9. Heki-ryuu is a school of kyudo. Don’t ask me what their specialty is, but apparently some of its branches still exist today.

Previous | Next

Nikaidou chased the flowing clouds with his eyes. The sunlight would be intense today as well.

A non-portable target was set up in a corner of the schoolyard, and there were two tatami mats placed behind it for whenever someone missed. They would have liked the shooting line to be in the shade if at all possible, but as they were limited to the area they could use, they could not expect too much.

Tsujimine High School did not have a kyudojo.

They had been practicing in the gym until last year, but with the new school year, they have been banned from using it. As there were many clubs that used the gym, such as the basketball, volleyball, table tennis, and badminton clubs, the kyudo club, which had never won, was told to refrain from using it. They also borrowed a public kyudojo for practice, but they only went there about once a month because of their bad location, which meant a one-way trip there by car took two hours.

All the third-years, other than those participating in the tournament, had retired, and currently there were twenty-two members. Since their advisor was only nominal and almost never showed up, in the absence of a coach, the form of upperclassmen teaching their juniors continued for generations. Even Higuchi and Aragaki, detached from the real world, could not accept to being driven from the gym in their last year of high school. At any rate, they had to earn results that could be clearly seen with the eyes. Words such as, "Let's do our best," had no efficacy whatsoever.

There was only one thing to obtain.

"Victory" at the national tournament.

Nikaidou smiled and turned his sharp gaze towards Fuwa.

"The regional tournament the other day. We were defeated by Shuu-kun's Kirisaki, but I feel super great for defeating Kazemai, where Minato-chan and Seiya-chan are."

"You sure hate your fellow middle school schoolmates a lot. And they're your kouhai?"

"No way, I love them. I have no interest in almost any of the Kirisaki guys, but Shuu-kun and Minato-chan are special."

"I'd like to avoid your special in particular."

"Same. Even I might not like my special. You understand well, Koushirou."

Fuwa pulled on the edge of Nikaidou's hood, which he had pulled over his head.

"More importantly, why the hell are you wearing a hoodie in this stupidly hot weather?"

"This white hoodie is a UV cut type for summer. You don't want to get a half-baked sunburn, right?"

"Are you a girl?"

"I look like a girl to you, Fuwa? Your eyesight is amazing."

"You're twisting words all on your own. If you hate getting a sunburn, then put up a parasol."

"Aah, a parasol might be good, actually. There are only two girls here, this kyudo club. I guess if you aren't fanciful enough, you won't join."

"Well, I guess it'll be creepy to see a corpse rolling around."

Beneath the shade of a tree, Higuchi was sleeping while lying face down. If someone who didn't know him saw him, he really would look like a corpse.

"Higuchi-senpai, you should at least lie down on the picnic sheet."

"Nnn, got it!"

The sloth-like Higuchi quietly got up and curled up on the sheet. He was like a rechargeable battery with a small capacity, quickly exhausted. He seemed to be especially bad with sunlight, and he needed to diligently take naps.

On the contrary, there was another man who vigorously did muscle training whenever he had spare time. He was always moving his body, and his love of muscles knew no bounds.

"Conscious breathing is strongly inhaling with the assistance of the serratus posterior superior muscle, the pectoralis minor muscle, the trapezius muscle, and the levator scapulae muscle, adding the rectus abominable muscle, oblique abdominal muscle, and serratus posterior inferior muscle, and strongly exhaling. Breathing is closely connected with muscle action. Ooh, it's the very mystery of the body!"

"…Kuro-chan sure is knowledgeable."

"Oh, just leave it all to me. This is love too, it is."

Good grief. Even my backhanded compliment didn't get through to him.

Seeing Nikaidou getting guilelessly brushed off, Fuwa's mouth slackened.

Aragaki arrived late. During this period, third-years could not devote their undivided attention to club activities because of teacher interviews and the like after school.

"Aragaki-senpai, I will help you string your bow."

Aragaki raised his hand in a gesture of thanks, and then Fuwa held the top part of his bow, the urahazu. Normally, an ukeita (1) that was installed on the wall of a kyudojo would be used, but in their case someone else would hold up the bow for it to be stringed.

After he finished preparing his equipment, he finally took off his mask. He always used masks of the same brand, and his spare was also flawless. It seemed that it didn't hurt his ears, the texture was nice, and it made him look like he had a small face—all things that he refused to compromise on, but Nikaidou and Fuwa couldn't tell the difference between it and a special bargain sale brand.

Nikaidou took out his phone and recorded everyone's shooting forms.

Aragaki was glued to his own image. From Nikaidou's point of view, there couldn't have been much difference between his face yesterday and today, but Aragaki was immersed in delight every time he saw his own profile.

Nikaidou himself also had a video of his shooting taken by Fuwa.

"Thanks, Fuwa."

"The other day, I was on a trip and I took the opportunity to stop by Shigeyuki-san's kyudojo, but it was closed. Was the practice day changed?"

"Yeah, apparently he's busy with work."

Even as he was saying that, he put away his phone in his bag after he confirmed that everything was saved.

Fuwa was watching him as he did so.

Nikaidou passed through the automatic doors.

As soon as he entered, he was met with a large aqua terrarium.

Without looking at the colourful fish swimming in the miniature garden tank, he searched for his familiar favourite. The dark, ugly fish that always stayed still in the shade of a rock. He didn't know its name. It did not move, as if it was stuck there, and its form could not be identified unless one went all the way around to the side of the tank, so it made little sense for it to be an aquarium fish. It was irresistibly lovely how it did not care at all about the intentions of humans.

After he announced his name at the reception desk, he climbed the stairs, not using the elevator at all.

The hospital room was on the fifth floor.

At the destination to which he climbed step by step, there was a room.

"Shigeyuki-san."

"Hey, Eisuke. You're visiting a lot."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling especially good today. Since no matter what, you got a twenty-shot kaichuu at the regional tournament. I'm so proud to have such an excellent nephew."

"It looks like your shots, since I've always been watching you shoot, Shigeyuki-san."

"Is your eloquence like me too? How strange, I'm supposed to be a quiet man."

Nikaidou Shigeyuki was Nikaidou's uncle.

He was an archer with a muscular body and whose specialty was extremely sharp shots. His love of kyudo grew so intense that he even constructed a kyudojo on the premises of his own home, and a lot of neighbourhood children came to play there. Nikaidou was also one of those children.

The hand-crafted kyudojo, with space for two people to shoot, had its range become a vegetable plot, with different kinds of vegetables planted in it for every season, and many insects, such as butterflies, gathered there. The sight of an arrow flying above all of that was idyllic, more like something from the leisurely and quiet life of a mountain hermit than a strict discipline. But, Nikaidou thought that if he really was a mountain hermit, he wouldn't have gotten sick. Stress and pressure were major factors for the damage to his internal organs.

After they had chatted for a while, Nikaidou took out his phone from his bag.

"It's the usual thing, but please do it for me again."

"Oh, I wonder if everyone has improved? Ooh, Fuwa-kun has a great hanare. The pushing of his left hand is also good. I think he should lower his left shoulder just a little. Higuchi-kun's kai is as long as ever. It is rare even for hanshi-level masters to maintain it that long, but as long as he doesn't get motare or biku (2) then it can stay as it is. And then…"

Shigeyuki was the shadow coach of Tsujimine High School.

The Tsujimine High School Kyudo Club had an advisor, but no coach. For that reason, Nikaidou turned to Shigeyuki. He was currently hospitalized, but readily accepted Nikaidou's request.

Shigeyuki spoke.

"Eisuke, you seem to want to master the way to use your right hand at hanare."

"I don't think my technique can be imitated by the high schoolers over there."

"'Kakehodoki' is making a grinding noise at your right thumb and then shooting the arrow, but there are many archers who don't do that."

"Is that so? I thought it was something everyone did if they were skilled."

"It depends on the shape of the yugake, and there is a wide variety of shooting techniques. It's not like my knowledge is absolute. Fujiwara-kun, who does shoumen uchiokoshi, is not made to do kakehodoki, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"Fujiwara-kun truly is Saionji-sensei's best disciple. And besides, the left hand is essential for hitting the target, after all. To begin with, you should learn the correct way of using your left hand."

"Okay. Thank you, Shigeyuki-san. I'll pass it all on to everyone."

Nikaidou loved talking about kyudo with Shigeyuki. On the other hand, he also felt uncomfortable about it, because he did not genuinely love kyudo.

Sometimes, he wondered why he was doing kyudo. He started in fourth grade, and now it was his eighth year doing it. In middle school, he had accomplished winning the individual competitions, but honestly speaking, he had been shooting while thinking, I want to quit, I want to quit. The time of it being incredibly enjoyable and him being happy about winning had already passed. On the other hand, he also did not want to go even farther with it.

He had seen his limit.

Always hitting, never missing—that was only aiming for the absurd.

Even professional archers couldn't make a living from kyudo. Almost all kyudo teachers were volunteers.

He wanted to shut up those who said ridiculous things like, your wishes will come true if you want them strongly enough. Things like not putting in enough effort or putting in effort in a different direction were the objections of winners, and the great majority died without ever being able reach the heights. They were insensitive words from someone who did not notice the heaps of corpses that were rolling at their feet, and spat on them.

He wanted to be free of it all soon.

He wanted to put an end to his archer life.

But despite all that, the biggest reason for why he hadn't quit yet was the existence of Shuu and Minato.

Fujiwara Shuu even had Saionji as his master. He probably had the power of his family and money. It wasn't bad to utilize what he had to the fullest extent, and in fact it was what he should do. However, Minato was different. Even though he was supposed to be a commoner and an average person like himself, why was he the only one who was blessed?

What Nikaidou didn't have and Minato did was "chance." (3) What other people would call the love of a god. Something that couldn't be obtained with effort.

The love of the god of archery? How laughable.

Shigeyuki-san, just watch me. I'll end my career with victory.

I'll strike an arrow back at them.

Minato held the leash and headed for the main street.

It had been a long time since he walked Bear in the evening. Bear cheerily walked ahead.

Ultimately, Minato took a break from club activities. After returning home, he had himself examined at Seiya's father's hospital, and brought Bear along with him. He would have ridden his bike, but gripping the handlebars made his left wrist hurt from the strain. It seemed that he had no choice but to obey his orders until he was completely healed.

He left it to Bear to lead him forward. Honeybees and flower chafer beetles gathered at the white flowers blooming in the buckwheat fields, and white-tailed skimmer dragonflies flew back and forth by the waterside. When he went on a path lined by spotted bellflowers, he came to a place with a good view.

There was a new shop. Enticed by the delicious smells of homemade bread, Minato opened the shop's door. He was told by a shop assistant that since not only locals, but also trekkers and cyclists who drop in, it was common for things to sell out in the early hours.

When he left the shop, Minato was holding cinnamon rolls, its hallmark product. Drawn in by the sales message of "they go amazing with coffee," he bought them before he knew what he was doing.

What should I do with these?

There probably isn't an opportunity for me to give them to him.

Ever since Masa-san took up the job of being the coach for the Kazemai High School Kyudo Club, there had been no opportunities for the two of us to shoot together at the Yata no Mori Kyudojo. He doesn't drink coffee during the practices at school, so even if he was in Yata no Mori, he would definitely turn them away. And my pocket money is tight this month, so I really am a hopeless idiot.

"Bear, what should I do? Is it better even just to go and watch practice? But I can't really concentrate on it…"

For Minato, the kyudojo was a place where his mind felt at ease. And yet, seeing the unfamiliar pairing of Masa-san and Shuu made him feel irritated.

Their levels were so different that it was like looking at something unreal. The sound of the flying arrow sent out from that gifted body was sharp, and it could only be thought of as something done by an inhabitant of another world. Even for the things that Minato couldn't easily improve at no matter how many times he was told to, Shuu could clear them extremely easily. After all, even for those who taught, there was probably worth in teaching people like Shuu, who picked things up quickly.

Minato sat down on the ground. He stroked Bear's thin eyebrows, and he licked Minato's hand. That naturally led to him rubbing Bear's head and back. Bear had always comforted him like this since a long time ago, but perhaps sensing something on this day, he stood up all of a sudden.

"Bear?" a voice came from behind.

"…You surprised me. Why are you in a place like this, Onogi?"

Kaito took out his earphones.

"Shouldn't I be the one surprised? I was wondering if Seiya was here. I'm heading home from club. My mom dragged me here to buy some bread filled with red bean paste, which is limited to one per customer, for Nanao's house."

"Then, Seiya will be home soon."

"Narumiya, you came when you were told not to, and didn't when you were told you could come. What exactly do you want to do? Didn't they talk about how useful it is for you just now? Simply watching practice is also valuable."

"I know that."

"You know, so what's up with you?"

"…I hate having my own lack of skill spelled out for me when the current Shuu is right before me."

"Hah, so stupid. I can't believe you're letting this rare opportunity get away for that kind of reason. Ultimately, you still have no excuse. Why do you think Tommy-sensei invited Fujiwara?"

"Wasn't it a request from Shuu? Ryouhei invited him too."

"Did you already forget what you yourself said? Didn't you say that watching skilled people shoot is one way to gain knowledge? Since Kazemai doesn't have cutthroat battles to become regulars like at a powerhouse school, so we lack the enthusiasm to 'absolutely get better.' There's no air of tension from being overwhelmed by a skilled guy. Isn't Tommy-sensei trying to fire us up by showing us Fujiwara's shooting from up close?"

Indeed, Shuu never lost focus at any time.

Even in practice matches, he showed his relentless strength. He maintained his unashamed attitude of being the one to stand above all high school archers for three hundred and sixty-five days.

"Could it be that the reason why Tommy-sensei said that he couldn't praise us even if we all got kaichuu was—"

"Because our minds were 'slackening.' And, we settled the reasons for why we lost with 'it can't be helped.' Seiya and the others were also talking about that during today's practice. They were saying that even if we didn't intend to, somewhere in our minds, we might have been thinking something along the lines of 'we don't really have to win this regional tournament by overextending ourselves.' Isn't that attitude putting down the other archers who are shooting their bows seriously? Well, you felt angry, unlike us."

Minato bit his lip, and then pressed the package from the bakery into Kaito's hand.

"Sorry. Take this."

"What? Isn't this all of it?"

"I didn't put it in a backpack, and I'm carrying something in my hand even though I'm walking Bear, so it's a bother. Well then, I'm going home now."

Minato broke into a run without waiting for Kaito's response.

"That guy, why did he buy this even though he's not eating it…?"

Kaito's muttering, as he held the bag of bread, did not reach anyone's ears.

It was the last day of Shuu's practice at Kazemai High School.

Minato showed up at the kyudojo for the first time in a week. Seiya, Kaito, Nanao, and Ryouhei were practicing while commenting on each other's shooting forms.

Shuu and Masa-san were shooting in a two-person tachi. The two, who were tall and had similar builds, worked together smoothly as though they were old friends. Masa-san raised his bow, parted it, and released his arrow as though tracing Shuu's movements. The tsurune resounded loudly. No ordinary person could imitate the both of them, who shot right through the center of their targets. It was most likely a state only those who had fully honed their skills could reach. It was a beautiful dance of only two people.

Minato was the only one not wearing kyudogi there. Even though he felt like quickly leaving as soon as possible from the loneliness of being left by himself, on the other hand, he also wanted to stay.

The archers he admired were here.

Even being reproached for watching them was no different from being told to stop breathing.

When Shuu finished zasha, he approached Minato, who was standing in the corner.

"Minato, are you going to shoot today?"

"No, I still didn't get permission."

"I see, that's a shame. This is my last day here, but I learned a lot from being shown Masa-san's shooting. Saionji-sensei never talked a lot, but I realized that we were instructed with a good deal of meaning put in."

"That's good to hear. I'm really sorry for being completely useless… I'll be going to the hospital from now on. See you another time, Shuu."

Shuu moved his face closer to Minato's shoulder, who had looked away.

"Don't show it on your face so readily. It'll make it too hard to see you off."

"What do you mean?"

"Seiya's father is examining you, right? It's fine, you can shoot once you've healed. Let's shoot together next time we meet."

"…Yeah. You really are cool, Shuu. You're like a samurai."

Shuu opened his eyes wide.

"…Of course I am," he said, then lightly bumped Minato's right hand while it was hanging by his side with his fist.

Now that he was taking a break from club, the days passed in a blink of an eye.

They had just entered the suspension period of club activities that took place before exams, and because he thoroughly did the practice that did not involve using a bow when he had hayake, it became his specialty.

On the day the end of term finals was over, Minato was at Seiya's family's orthopedic surgery clinic. A sumo wrestling match was showing on the television in the waiting room. In it, there was a scene of zabuton (4) flying after the match was over. A young boy, seeing that, spoke to a man sitting next to him who looked like his grandfather.

"Grandpa, why's everyone throwing their zabuton?"

"That's because the stronger wrestler won by using a technique used by the weaker wrestler, so the people watching that got angry."

"Huh, why are they angry even though he won?"

"Sumo is a martial art, after all. The wrestlers are too proud to win by cowardly methods, of course, but also by cheap techniques. Even if they get hurt, if they don't show the true power of a yokozuna (5) when standing in the ring, then wouldn't that be rude to their opponents?"

Minato secretly kept the two's conversation to his heart.

In the examination room, the doctor, Seiya's father, spoke.

"Does it really not hurt anymore? I don't want to get scolded by Seiya if I don't find out you're lying."

"It is true. I wouldn't do anything like lying since I of course also don't want to drag this out."

"It was worth it for me to ask Tommy-sensei to have you take a break until you are fully healed, since you would probably not be able to endure watching kyudo without being able to shoot, Minato-kun. Though, in the beginning, Coach Takigawa seemed to have thought that it would be good for you to study by observing, at least. Alright, your examination is finished."

When Minato returned home, he threw himself down on his bed in his second-floor bedroom. He raised his left hand high above his head and tried moving his wrist. There was no more pain.

The sumo conversation he had listened to in the clinic's waiting room not long ago had something in it that could be related to kyudo. If it was someone who never did kyudo, they might think it was great as long as your hitting rate was good. However, it was different for archers. They would feel irritated at seeing a person resolutely hitting with a messy shooting form.

What Seiya's father had said was unexpected. Masa-san had not said anything like that at all to him. He would have obediently accepted it a little if he had heard that.

Minato shouted on top of his bed.

"Masa-san's an idiot! That shitty dirty old geezer——!"

Even if he denounced his master in a nook of the countryside, he keenly felt the insignificance of his own ability, and it only felt all the more futile.

A sound poured down on him when he closed his eyes.

A cold and tender melody.

He wanted to hear it by his side rather than in his memories.

His phone that had rolled to his pillow was ringing. Perhaps Seiya had heard his roar just now. When he looked, he saw that the sender was Masa-san. The text read, (look outside your window).

He got up and saw Masa-san holding a bow and quiver below the window. From the design of the bow cover and other things, they were without a doubt Minato's. Minato rushed down the stairs and opened the door.

"First of all, I guess I should say, good evening."

"What, um, why are you here, Masa-san?"

"I was adjusting everyone's equipment today. Though when I planned on doing it for Minato as well and stopped by, I heard a distant howling from somewhere. 'Masa-san's an idiot!' or something like that."

"Oh. …So-sorry."

Masa-san lightly pinched Minato's cheeks and pulled them.

"You're half right, but don't shout that while your window is open, since it's embarrassing."

"…I'm so sorry." (6)

Minato led Masa-san through the front door.

"My dad still isn't home yet. Should we go upstairs?"

"No, here is fine. More importantly, try gripping your bow."

Masa-san took out the bow from the bow case.

"You have relatively large hands, so I put in a piece of paper about as thick as a postcard for the grip to try to make it a bit thicker. It's a semi-cylindrical shape, but there's also a way to slightly raise the right side of the uchidake (7) so your fingertips will reach the corners more easily. I had everyone else do it by themselves, but to celebrate you recovering from your injury, I did yours myself."

Minato received his bow with a new grip.

The original leather grip wrapping (nigirikawa) was used for a long time and became slippery, but this new leather felt good to the touch. Though it was easier to grip it when it was thin, thanks to its raised height, the fitting of his little finger was good as well.

"It feels great. Thank you, Masa-san."

"Your arrows were also the length of those used by beginners, so I had them shortened a little at the kyudo equipment store. Even a slightly lighter one would decrease the burden on your wrist. I also took the opportunity to expose your arrow feathers to steam and straighten them."

"You knew my yazuka really well."

"Well, it might not seem like it, but I am your master after all."

Masa-san grinned.

It felt like it had been a long time since he saw Masa-san smile like that. His heart hurt a little.

"Masa-san, I want to try shooting."

"Do you want to go to Yata no Mori?"

Minato got the backpack he used for kyudo, and got into the passenger seat of Masa-san's car.

The stars were twinkling above the mountains. From the slightly open windows came the lively sounds of insects carried on the wind. The frogs rejoicing in the rainy season made up the background chorus. The stretching lights illuminated the streets at night. Their distant destination was covered in darkness, but there was a road in the range where the lights reached.

A road that appeared by moving forward.

Minato tugged at his seatbelt for no particular reason, and Masa-san gave him a sidelong glance.

"Does your seatbelt feel uncomfortable?"

"No, that feels fine. Um, Masa-san. I'm sorry for calling you a shitty old geezer the other day and just now…"

"Were you worrying about those kinds of things?"

"It's not just that."

"You still have other insults for me? Since we have the time, I'll listen to them."

"Masa-san, I'm happy that you became the coach for Kazemai, but I'm also not."

"Why is that?"

Minato exhaled loudly.

"…Because I can't keep you to myself."

When the car stopped at a red light, Masa-san ruffled Minato's hair.

"You really are just a little kid after all."

"Don't call me a little kid! And don't mess up my hair!"

"Alright, alright."

"The light turned green, you know!"

As Minato was fixing his tousled hair, the car began moving again.

"It's just the story from when I was in high school, but because I couldn't do what Grandpa told me to do very well at all, so I had other teachers take a look at me. Even so, whenever I went to get taught by other teachers, Grandpa would always get in a bad mood. I couldn't understand why, but now I can understand his feelings."

"What kind of feelings?"

"The feeling of 'don't you meddle with my student.'"

"Huh?"

"I know that your hitting rate will increase if you improved your right hand. However, even though we were working hard on correcting your left hand first in order to not harm your left wrist, some outsider had the nerve to tell you to do something uncalled for. Even though he never saw you everyday, what could he understand from only seeing you shoot one or two arrows?"

Sorry, Minato murmured in his mind.

"But, didn't you make Shuu touch your belly?"

"If anyone else heard only that, I would sound like a pervert, wouldn't I? Did you want to touch it too, Minato?"

"I'm not a pervert, so I'm fine."

"To begin with, you have too many weak spots! Your thinking is too naïve! Your range of behavior is strangely wide, you act way too recklessly, you're an airhead—I can see why Seiya got so overprotective of you."

"There's no need to go that far…"

"Because of that, I was waiting for you to say something, but I should have been the one to act. I suppose a coach who can't even manage his athlete's health is less than third-rate——?"

Masa-san put his left hand to his temple to cover his eyes.

Minato grabbed that hand with the wristwatch and brushed up the strands of hair hanging by his cheek, driven by the urge to look into those hidden eyes. But, he quietly swallowed.

"My master will always and forever be Masa-san. I want to listen to your tsurune forever——. Please take care of me from now on, Master."

"I should be the one saying you shouldn't be too hard on me."

Their mouths loosened.

"I sort of feel more relaxed when I talk with you, Masa-san."

"Oh, since ancient times, conversation has been a kind of therapy. There are various theories on how words came to be, but with 'o' standing for big, and 'ko' standing for small, o and ko have lingered in people's ears and became 'oto' and 'koto'. 'Oto' doesn't have any meanings such as an idea or concept, and 'koto' does. The origin of kokoro (heart, mind) is 'kokoru—kogoru (to congeal, to stiffen)'. Kokoro meant something heavy in the first place. 'Hanasu (to talk)' was to release a stiffened heart, let go of it (tebanasu)." (8)

"It seems like the 'hanare' of kyudo is also connected to that."

At the Yata no Mori Kyudojo, the blue hydrangea flowers were in full bloom. His heart danced at reuniting with Fuu the owl. Fuu, perched on his shoulder, tilted its head as usual.

Minato and Masa-san stood side-by-side before the targets. Minato lightly drew the bow in his hands, making a bang sound.

"I think that I was acting proud because I've been doing kyudo for a bit longer than everyone else. Not being able to shoot well because my wrist hurt was just an excuse for me to say. If I'm standing at that place, I must not make excuses for myself, not to mention for the people who are watching me."

"Do you have an answer for what is the responsibility of your own ochi?"

"Yeah. It's rare for a beginner to be an ochi. As a senpai, it is my duty to show the 'way of the bow.' I have the role of lighting the way from behind, so that everyone would not go the wrong way."

"A good answer. I learned something as well."

Masa-san smiled.

"I won't overstretch myself and copy Shuu, and I'll commit myself to strengthen my left hand like you said. And then, I want you to tell me how to do dantian breathing once more."

"Well, when you thinly exhale at 'kai,' I believe that you can personally feel the useless power in the shoulders going away, and force being applied to your abdomen. Your dantian is fulfilled when you exhale eighty to ninety percent of your breath rather than all of it. The moment that leads to the time of hanare from nobiai is called 'yagoro' in Heki-ryuu, (9) and there is a good practice for remembering that timing, but these days you might get scolded by the other archers for being noisy."

"Oh, could you be talking about 'yagoe'?"

"Yes, shouting 'aiiee!' or 'yaa!' or something like that when you're releasing your arrow. Fujiwara was talking about Saionji-sensei also teaching it to you guys in the past."

"Yeah, we practiced producing our yagoe."

"Hanare is not done when you completely exhaled at kai, but at a good time when you are able to let out a yagoe."

"Can I try shooting together with you, Masa-san?"

"Yes, of course."

Minato stood in front of Masa-san.

The two simultaneously spread their feet, parted their bows, and lifted them. They slowly spread their chests.

Words were not necessary when a person becomes one with their bow. The long breaths that occurred over and over and the back that bended as it was stretched. Letting go of the unorganized words, the "feelings," packed in one's chest, abandoning one's body to sensation to the point of outrageousness, and waiting for the moment to fly off.

The two's yagoe dashed into the night sky.

When they finished after who knows how many rounds, Minato opened his backpack.

"Masa-san, here's something to drink."

"Oh, is that a new brand of canned coffee? Thanks. That's right, I also have something to eat."

What Masa-san took out was a bag from the bakery Minato went to the other day, and it did not contain cinnamon rolls, but homemade oyaki.

Previous | Next

[agirlinhell]

my blog: [reaches 100+ followers]

my eyes: ey yo look like i’m goin for a swim

HOLY SHIT IT’S BEEN A BIT OVER A YEAR AND Y’ALL ARE STILL HERE?? jfc I LOVE YOU GUYS. in all seriousness, though, i met just the greatest people ever while i’ve been here and uuuuuuuugh, I LOVE interacting with each and every one of you, i love seeing you guys on my dash and I JUST AGLGGALJGAGALJGAGLAJ so thank you all so much for sticking with me through this. i probably don’t deserve it and you’re all here anyway<333

before we get real deep into this: thank you. whoever you are, if you’re reading this, i’m thanking you. for being here, for following this trash ass blog and loving this muse as much as i do. also i’m thanking you for waking up today, for drinking water and eating your food, for doing your chores, for taking a shower, brushing your teeth, for taking a nap, for getting through yet ANOTHER DAY OF THIS BITCH OF A PLANET. and even if you did none of those things — thank you. stay with us. this world needs you. all of us are unique. there’s no one like you, 

thank you for existing - i love you.

NOW LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TO DEFEAT THE HUNS

i hope you’re all ready bitches bc IMMA SHOWER Y’ALL WITH LOVE:

@keptmanners​ / @morefinesse​ / @worldendured​ : I’VE SAID THIS SO MANY TIMES BUT UUUUUUUUUGH, this person right here, ande, is one of the people responsible for this blog being what it is today. no joke. when i was at my worst (activity wise) ande was always here, replying to our shit, plotting and discussing concepts and screaming about our muses and just being nice and kind and understanding to me whenever we talked. the relationship we built between clem and ruby/louis/your muses was one of the things that kept me from leaving this blog altogether, so thank you so much - i honestly really appreciate and admire you.

@taggedbastard​ / @paulklee-guild​: listen to me YOU LITTLE SHIT AKJAJGAGLJGA no jk, i love you so much and that’s so crazy because we haven’t even been talking for that long - we deadass started talking like two-three days ago? like, we fell in love with each other bc we’re cancerians and with the OTP in like 0.2 seconds and it was beautiful??? UGH I LOVE YOU BITCH AND I AIN’T NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BITCH.

@prctecthem​ : TSUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!! i got you, okay? but seriously, thank you for becoming such a good friend and great person to talk to these last few weeks. i am so glad to have met you <3 AND I LOVE OUR THREADS WHAT THE FUCK?? like we should have hundreds of them, honestly. no jk <3 bUT MAYBE???

@weprevail​ : BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!! I LOVE HOPE SO MUCH??? A VALID LEGEND IN THE RPC!! SHE SPOILS ME WITH LEE, DUCK, MITCHENTNE AND VIOLETINE CONTENT AND I CR Y!!! i love when we talk about stuff!! you can do it, you can accomplish your dreams, i believe in you - i’ve got your back okay??<33

@rcdhccdie​ : IRL BESTIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I’M SO HAPPY YOU’RE GRADUATING AND THAT YOU’RE ABLE TO KICK SCHOOL RIGHT IN THE ASS!! ILY ILY ILY ILY - I’LL SEE YOU SOON, OKAY??<333

the bad bitch brigade:

@dcadrct​, @stillgcod​ & @mortuism​: MY HOMIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. no seriously like, artie, merc and jude are the some of the bestest friends on tumblr/discord that i could have ever asked for and i can’t imagine my life without them anymore. i mean, lmao, i have more verses with them combined than anyone else in the world, artie and merc are just ALWAYS THERE WHEN I WANT TO TALK TO THEM AND I JUST !!!! <#3333 AND JUDE IS DOING HIS BEST AND I LOVE AND SUPPORT A LEGEND!! artie destroys my ass with marlontine / clouis angst/fluff, merc has me crying up in the club about sophietine and jaiko and jude makes me cry like a little bitch with his lee, carl, violet, brody and lilly content  i am truly honored and glad to share this muse with such wonderful people ( or at least formerly in merc’s case ALGJGAAGLAGALJ ) and to just be your friend???? y’all have always been there to call me out on my shit if i ever fuck up and i get my shit together accordingly so i really appreciate it - y’all are also some HILARIOUS ASF PEOPLE

the gay juicebox squad

(or people i love interacting with and want to interact with/talk to even MORE &&& people that i JUST started interacting with and WANT TO KEEP GOING BC YOU’RE PERFECTION – &&&&&&& PEOPLE I HAVE PLOTTED WITH BUT I STILL OWE A STARTER / REPLY TO BC I SUCK, BUT I’M EXCITED TO RP WITH AAAAAAAA ):

@twdgdeadmanwalking, @rcdhccdie @creolejesus, @corpsepaintd, @zombeam, @pyrrhaeic, @weprevail , @crackinthewhip, @youngshct @we-are-strcng @livesrot @reekcd @corpsepaintd​ @forgedvalor @goldenngore @emsorcism @thecomplication @sympaheart @almostskylight @agirlofwinterfell​

the SENPAIS

(bc i stalk you from far, far away and we either don’t talk much/at all and never interacted and i want that to change but i’m too intimidated by your everyday PERFECTION AND FLAWLESSNESS ON MY DASH):

@killthebxy​ @sevenbled​ @plannedahead​ @zaldrczes​ @highhking​ @creaturologist​ @dracharenae​

IF I FORGOT ANYONE: i am sorry. i occasionally suck. plus, it’s deadass late. but i suck. yeah. love y’all <3

now let’s do the giveaway thing!!!

MY APPRECIATION FOR THE GOOD, ACTIVE (some inactive bc i’m trash) & TALENTED PEOPLE THAT I FOLLOW & THAT FOLLOW ME, CATEGORIZED.

THE WALKING DEAD

@twdgdeadmanwalking​, @crackinthewhip​, @keptmanners​ @prctecthem​ @morefinesse​ @stillgcod​ @dcadrct​ @victuus​ @weprevail​ @mortuism​ @shitbircl​ @ofstonerisms​ @worldendured​  @childtroubled​ AND SO MANY MORE

A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE/GAME OF THRONES

@killthebxy, @longmayshereignxcersei @reekcd, @zaldrczes, @dracharenae @goldenngore @mcsttrusted @bcarexiled​ AND SO MANY MORE

HARRY POTTER

@creaturologist​

                      NARUTO

@bitiing​ @cursemcrked​

GANGSTA.

@taggedbastard​ @paulklee-guild​ @forgedvalor​

FANDOMLESS & MUMU & OTHER FANDOMS & FANDOMS I’M NOT TOO FAMILIAR WITH

@emsorcism @ncvabcrn @illicios @corpsepaintd @creolejesus @xendure @sevenbled @bonezone @bloominghands​ AND SO MANY MORE

;& PERSONALS

YOU’RE LIKE THE BEST? i have no idea why so many of you follow me, but i’m super happy to know that you like this blog for some reason. thank you for being here with me. you ROCK!!! ALL OF YOU!!! 

a few honorable mentions: @aesthetic-survivor-of-twd​ @thewalkingclementine​ @rascet​ and @twdgjames​!!<3

____________________________________________________________________________________________

As for the giveaway, I offer the following prizes: one drabble, one edit/promo, five to ten icons, or an aesthetic / moodboard - the choice is entirely yours.

-None of the art unless otherwise stated that will be used in aesthetics and edits are mine.

-I will mostly be doing individuals for aesthetics/drabbles/promo’s/icons, but if you want me to have it ship related, and if i can find the right pictures for aesthetics and icons, this will be done, too.

-If a winner desires a drabble for a prize, I will write any genre you want me to, but you must tell me what exactly you want. The genre, the characters, the settings, the events, canon or alternate universe, what happens in a plot ( if there is any ), whether or not there’s a ship. Lengths and verses may vary. Oneshot, only, no multichapters.

-For aesthetics, the programs I use are ipiccy because unfortunately I don’t have nor use photoshop at the moment. You must tell me exactly what you want.

-My drabbles / aesthetics / icons DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE WALKING DEAD RELATED. I’m perfectly happy with doing prizes in relation to our muses and in other fandoms / alternate universes / crossovers.

-I can show you previews of icons, drabbles, aesthetics and edits while I am doing them, but once I am done with the results, I will not be doing a second version or an update.

-THERE WILL BE FOUR WINNERS.

-We MUST be mutuals - meaning you must be following me in order to have a chance to win.

-Feel free to like and reblog this as many times as you want - it increases your chances.

-However, I must warn you that, due to time restrictions on my part, your prizes might possibly come in a bit slower, I apologize, but it’s the constraints that bind me to this.

-The winners have until tonight at 8:00PM EST, approximately TWELVE HOURS FROM NOW, to be exact, due to time constraints on my part, to contact me. If you do not contact me after tonight is over, you will not earn your prize and it will be given to someone else at random, just as it is with the chosen winners.

[fondwitch]

How have you dealt with your journey to becoming a witch with your friends and family? Any issues with acceptance? I’m reluctant to talk about it to people...

Firstly, I imagine everyone’s journey is different and that everyone goes at different speeds. Mine has been very gradual and that is something I didn’t expect! I started to delve into witchcraft late July 2017 and was like okay yes, I want this practice to be a part of my life!! I was fairly active through Samhain, however once November hit I was barely active at all (on my blog and irl) between thanksgiving and christmas. I have always been into christmas hardcore (more the commercial/wintery aspects - I am not christian) and I really thought I would be able to swerve christmas activities more towards Yule and including witchcraft and that just did NOT happen this past year. I was so busy and sucked into the exact same things I have done previous years. I was very disappointed midway through January when I looked back and realized for the last couple months I had made no progress in my witchcraft journey. I’ve only just started re-delving back in this past month.

For my life in general, I am 100% a secret witch. My husband knows about it and doesn’t care either way, I would say he even slightly sways toward supporting it. I am very grateful for this because I can have witchcraft books sitting out and can talk to him about the moon and my crystals (now whether or not he pays much attention, I have no idea lol). However, outside of him NO ONE knows. My mother and older sister are very religious christians and they would not support it in the least.

How my practice relates to my family? I know that I would have zero acceptance, so I bold face lie to them. Listen, I look at it this way. It’s my own damn home so I am not going to hide everything. So that leaves me with lying. I literally have a plant stand covered with various sized crystals and plants and I feel like it has a look to it if you know what I mean. But I told my sister that I was just becoming interested in rocks and gems again and went on about how that had been my favorite part of science class when I was younger. I think she might have made one joke once, something like “well as long as you aren’t getting into anything weird” and she laughed and I fake laughed too…and was like “nope! i just really love rocks!” I did have a mini heart attack when my sister was recently over and was looking for something to snack on and she had seen some of the cups that I had dyed eggs in and she went “oh you dyed eggs?” and I did not want her to go poking in the container in the fridge and see the pentagram I had drawn on one egg and various sigils on others so I jumped in to ask “I have salsa and chips! would you like some?” and that side-tracked her.

So I guess I’m in the middle? I would never openly talk about witchcraft AT ALL to my family (maybe someday I will tell you my horrifying experience when I was a preteen and my mom found out that my friends and I were looking into witchcraft). But also…my home is my home..you know, so I am not going to hide everything about my practice in my own safe place, if that makes sense? I will allow things out that I feel I can safely make excuses for and then keep the rest in a closet or something.

I don’t talk about witchcraft with my husband a ton, but mostly because he’s not super interested. He was totally fine using the prosperity shower sachet I made him when he didn’t have a job and he actively tells me he enjoys when I cleanse our house with smoke. Also, he is supporter of @madamehearthwitch‘s fire cider recipe that I made. He has taken it multiple times this past winter when he felt a cold coming on.

I have a calendar at my desk at work and there are 50 or so people in my office area. Recently I almost thought to add Ostara to the calendar and I had to check myself. Sometimes, I get so…idk..used to them being words that I read and talk about so openly on tumblr…that I forget they might not be received well in a broader audience. I have no idea who might read that and know what it alludes to and then…idk who knows what.

So after a very long-winded reply (sorry, must be feeling talkative) I would have to say you are not alone. I am very reluctant to talk about it outside of tumblr. My husband is pretty much the only one. I would stick with your hunches until you can slowly vet someone out and find out if they can be trusted.

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 4 - “I WANT TO REACH MY GOATENTIAL” - GEO

Welcome to Survivor Divergent, where's it's 14 inactive people and 6 people actually playing

I'm pretty damn busy today grading final assignments, and I'm pretty sure my frustration yesterday was enough to paint a target on me going forward, but I don't much care. This tribe's work ethic is for shit. I don't belong here. I can't just sit back and not do things. Ed can't, either, because it's such a deep-seated belief of mine that it permeates through him too. Not submitting things is just not my speed.

What pisses me off more than anything is that so far, I've been the only one to put in any concrete work. Percy got the theme based on a writing prompt. Payton's been offering suggestions. Dani's offered to do both the poster and the write-up. Meanwhile, I did the poster (deliberately at a level below what I know I can do, because I've been saying all along that I'm not good with Photoshop.) I did the write-up. Last time I felt so alone in one of these creative challenges, my tribe lost and I was the one sent packing at the next tribal council.

It's bullshit. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And while I love the people on this tribe based on our limited interactions, Peter can fuck off back to the inactivity pool from whence he came. Lucy can find a clue while she's busy finding a last name. And Geo... man, Geo is the biggest disappointment of all, only because we've SEEN what he can do. And it's like he's choosing not to do it. I get that we all have lives and that we're all super busy. I'm running myself so ragged that I'm going to hibernate clear through the holidays.

But that's the key difference: you make time if it matters to you. And if this game doesn't matter to anyone else, why should it matter to me? More importantly, if I get to jury, where's my motivation to vote for any of these people who couldn't — or wouldn't — step up when they're needed?

This is frustrating. I miss Megara Tribe. I miss Bondoso Tribe. I even miss Drohend Tribe. I like tribes that work hard, like each other and trust each other as a result. And this tribe fits maybe one of those three criteria. It sucks.

Six: The amount of posts in our tribe chat per day. God damn.

I'm pretty sure the hosts hate six. Like.

On 12/18/16, at 12:09 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > also, y’all are rigging this against the 90% inactive tribe

On 12/18/16, at 12:10 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > its not mine and ed’s fault that the rest of them are flops like if we went offline for three days the world would fall apart and you know it

no, i dont think they're actively rigging. i think my tribemates are sabatoging and we're not gonna have fucking numbers going into merge. sluts.

Okay so it's been a while, let's see if I can catch up. Last time I made a confessional I was stuck on trying to find the Erudite idol. I was so frustrated, and then we lost reward. I didn't want there to be a chance that someone from Six would find the idol, since the clues stack, so I panicked and asked Melissa for help. She figured it out in 2 seconds bc stupid me doesn't know the alphabet or how to count. Ugh. So we work through the next few pages, and then we get stuck again. But after looking at it for a few minutes, I realized I needed to use the keypad on a telephone to get the next word, and I figured it out. To show some good faith, I tell Melissa right away, but the next page.... whew. I looked at that page for a good half hour and couldn't figure it out. Then I'm reading what's on the page and it looks like song lyrics? So I decided to google them. I copy and paste it into google, and i noticed in the search bar are words I did not see before. So I go back to the page and highlight everything. Sneaky Jenna hid the link to the next blog in white lettering on the page. Very clever. So I go to the next blog, and I need another password. Crap. Well, I'm hoping that whoever is looking for this idol on the Six tribe gets stuck at the password too, so they wont be ahead of me. I decide to not tell Melissa that I figured it out. I want to see if she comes to me with that information. And she does, the next day. So I know I can actually trust Melissa. Like, I know I'm in an alliance with her, but I wanted to like, test her trust? I guess? So there's where we are on the idol journey...

I've been talking to Jill bc, you know, former Candor, and she brings up starting an alliance with Kyle. Me, already being in an alliance with Kyle, am completely down for this. Jill's plan is to have a former Candor/Amity alliance with me, Kyle, and Will, and bring in Melissa as a 5th so we have majority. Kyle and I, already being in an alliance with Melissa, are completely down for this. We decide to tell Melissa about this alliance, because we want Ugly Fruti to be our core, our majority within the majority, if that makes sense. Melissa seems fine with it.

So then we wind up winning the Battleship Immunity, and I am really enjoying not going to Tribal. If we can keep it this way until merge, that would be fantastic. Things have been really quiet around the tribe lately. I haven't been on much because of things irl, but I'm going to try and be around more. I dont want to be first boot from this tribe for inactivity, even though there are people who are way less active than me. I'm just hoping our movie poster is enough to win reward so we can continue on that Erudite clue...

Every single day, I feel myself slowly becoming someone that I am not. And honestly, I kind of like that.

I think Payton is pretty set on getting to know who I am but I'll keep bouncing that carrot in front of her face because the longer I keep her focused on my identity over the game that I want to play, the better it is for me in the long run. Payton is a threat because shes so talkative (albeit annoying as hell) and has Percy in her back pocket. She even came to me and said,

[10:14 PM] Payton Rodriguez: So I think I kinda decided Percy would be safe if we went to tribal again, at least from my vote? He really did help with making that poster look good

Of course that's a valid excuse but you should be willing to vote off anyone at any given moment in time. I don't care who we're going after, but I kind of think that Peter does need to go next. He's just going to do whatever people tell him to do later and he contributes almost nothing to my game, except acting like a little pawn for the time being.

I still have my Abnegation idol, so I'm going to hold onto it as long as possible. I think this is an idol I need to use on myself only because if I try to use it to make a huge move, like playing it on the target to get rid of a threat, then it could backfire and if my own target ends up getting saved, I could go out on a revote. If I just had the regular old thing, then I'd be more willing to be #dauntless and whip it out to save someone else and *ciera voice* make big movez.

Also I'm being really patient with myself and trying to make a lot of spelling/grammar errors and ignoring most forms of punctuation. I want to, in addition, have perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation on my regular account so that people are somewhat confused about my identity. I'm still going with my "pretty, spoiled girl" image that I'm adopting so that everyone thinks that I'm two completely different people. Maybe its working, maybe its not. But I need to start cutting the bullshit and start being as realistic as possible. No more talking about the unrealistic life I don't have, but being real. I have to adopt true parts of my own personality so I'm not looking like a bullshit artist. I have that tumblr blog, so maybe i should share it with the people so they choose to follow me and understand that maybe this is something i'm committing to. we'll have to see how that works out for me, of course.

ok i know im not supposed to but i cant help but get uncharted flashbacks rn im sure its not but lake is giving me ari vibes

Gosh it's been a long time since I've made one of these.

Nothing has really happened. We've been winning immunity and I haven't really helped at all.

I've been trying to staybtalkative with the most active members of the tribe and I feel like there's at least 2 or 3 people that could be voted out before me.

I feel so bad cause I havent done one of these in a long time. Im usually good with confessionals <.< sorry hosts.

I feel like im wadting time with the amity idol but oh well ill keep chugging along

Dani scares me. Theyre really smart, they know who i am, and i feel like theyre not playing with abnegation (obviously they werent from thay tribe) and theyre gping to use it against me. I want to get her oyt, but i think shes better connected to people, therefore attempting to do so will get me oyt instead, and i want to play with loyalty, i dont want to ve a flipper again and again. Dani is in an alliance with me so that wont be good as the others may be wary of me.

Im concerned as well as people arent actually talking that much to me. They dont message me, only dani and payton. I love payton or logan if it is them and i believe theyre going to be a bigger target ahwad of me in the future.

I want to play a very goat game. Previously my competitors and friends viewed me as someone who cant win and is very well aligned and a flipper. I havemt made ftc, and thats my goal. I dont care about anything else. If im loyal and very nonthreatening, people will want to take me as they view me as a goat and i could potentially use that strategy to win? I want to reach my goatential, and see whether i can lose at the end or not. Hopefully i dont.

Im typing this on my phone and i didnt put the heading, sorry for all my messiness. #Goatential #Geoat #loyalty #noflippers #mystrategy

I want to conspire to vote Dani out. I think that might be too risky right now but I don't trust her.

I'm glad we won tribal! But I really, REALLY want to send Dani home. Like, yesterday.

I'm tired of people outside the game talking to me about this game. Stop.

Um, it's been a confusing past few days. The biggest things to come out of them:

1. Six won immunity! Woo hoo! Payton was trying to argue that they were throwing it, but I refuse to believe that. We cam together as a tribe and we showed how much more effective we are when we work together, and that's that. So I guess another way of saying it would be, I don't care what they did. I care about what we did. And we crushed it. And frankly, as great as Payton has been for moral support and activity, her frequent willingness to couch thoughts with 'if's and 'but's really rubs me the wrong way. That's not the way winners think.

1a. That said, Payton is still my #1 for now. She's got a tremendous grip on the tribe socially and is realistically one of the shot-callers around here. The longer I can stay under the radar and vote with her, the more likely I can make merge. And then we're golden.

2. Danielle approached me with 'evidence' that Payton took the advantage, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. I had my suspicions. But I wonder if Dani is trying to throw Payton under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3. Payton approached me with 'evidence' that Danielle or Geo are fabricating receipts, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. It seems like something both would do, based on what little I know of them. But I wonder if Payton is trying to throw Dani under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

4. This Erudite idol is maddening. 'Center from the start?' What the hell is that??? I've tried everything – the letter a, the titles on each of the blogs, the word 'hosts' which is the 'center' block on the 'start' page, every past clue in every single blog... I know the clue points to a page on one of the blogs I've already visited, as opposed to the latest one. But I'm so stuck and it's so frustrating and I can only hope others are as hopelessly irritated as I am. I need that next clue, and hopefully this time it'll be something new rather than something I'd already been trying. Talk about bad luck.

5. Peter has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

6. Lucy has been very quiet, but at least she showed up for the comp.

7. Geo has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

I will make a longer confessional if I survive tribal, which honestly, I think I will. Me, Kyle, and Melissa are in alliances with pretty much everyone on the tribe, so I think we are fine. The vote should be for Amanda, which is a relief for more than one reason. One, she's getting on everyone's nerves, and two, its so weird for people to be talking about Amanda and to remember its not me. There's only room for one Amanda in this game, hun! Ahhh anyway, after this tribal, we are supposed to be on a holiday break for a while, but I have a feeling before that happens, we are gonna be split into 3 tribes of 5. I'm really hoping not, but if so, I have Kyle and/or Melissa with me, or that I end up on a tribe with a Four Tribe majority. Ahh okay, I'm out til later